"All those fairy tales are full of shit" (Maaron 5)

Just like fairy tales, the Prince came to safe an ordinary life of a girl, took her to a great palace, got married and lived happily ever after. What a cliche story! (Yet, I'm still dreaming that my life would end up just exactly similar to those fairy tales) Wait! I know that's not gonna happen! Those fairy tales are kind of joke to me now.

Well, congratulations for those whose life is as beautiful as the life of the Princess in such happy-ending stories and Be TOUGH for those who are not. I am talking to myself anyway.

I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I am a bit concern of my future, I mean what's gonna happen with my life after the wedding knowing how tiresome and hard we have been fighting for all these love drama. I come to realize that I am so damn stubborn, selfish and inflexible in some circumstances, yet it happens with (a) reason(s) which I don't need to address what it's all about.

We're close to marriage! I am supposed to be happy, aren't I? I have dreams of having a small world where I, my future husband and my children would start creating a history, holding each others' hands when we fall, having each others' backs when the outside world becomes mean and cruel and just growing up with the ones we love. Am I that selfish to dream about those things? I don't need a big luxurious palace to live in, nor abundant gold, nor a magic wagon to take me to the sky.  I need only a simple happy family where everyone can learn how to be grateful and thankful for God's grace and could share the love we have.

Yet, I'd rather keep my dreams away from my reach because that's not gonna happen in my case, darling. I'm gonna live in someone's life and devote myself to it, and it scares me to death.

I keep telling myself not to let reality bring me down, but it's not easy I would say.

We want it, but sometimes life offers us with no option.

So, Maroon 5 is right about 'All those fairy tales are full of shit". 

One of the untold story

Welcome March!

There were tons untold stories last month which I might not share with you. How life seems unpredictable and full of surprises. It was started last week when I was finally accepted to become Ambassador's secretary for Korean Mission to ASEAN. I was glad that I would step out to my new job and ready to experience more things there. However, I decided not to take the job for some reasons which I will not share here. Basically, everything is so promising there and I should not be worried about my financial issues. They offer incredible salary. I mean it! Big "BUT" is still I am unable to accept the job. Perhaps, one of the reason is that my current job gives me more challenging experiences and allows me to meet many new and important people. Well, I need more time to learn back here before starting my new experience to another job in the future. Honestly, I feel regret for my decision, yet it may be a sign of the universe. Maybe.

Letter from Earth

Dear Folks,

Recently,  you realized one thing that you are standing all alone while life is getting so much harder. You've been crying for so many times, been feeling insecure for all ages and been suffering a lot for what you are going through. You know that they will judge you such "too exaggerate simple things", "complaining a lot". Well, you don't mean to exaggerate, but this is what you actually feel and they're supposed to (have) experience(d) the same thing as yours. Let's just say it's a transition time. Time when you are in line between your dream and reality, between your life and others, between your luck and destiny. Sometimes, you found yourself trapped in between and could never help yourself to go out. It's just that you don't know whose dream you are pursuing? Is it yours?

I am afraid of wasting my time for something that I am not supposed to do, yet there's always lesson I got for the thing such "something that I am not supposed to do". I mean, you may wish for grasping the Earth with your own two hands, yet the Earth is unreachable. Then, you start to think about grasping a half of it, yet it's still unreachable. Eventually, you decide to giving up the Earth and moving on to the small planet which promise you better life than Earth has, yet it's not what you really want. You are staying for the sake of your fear of failure caused by your previous efforts.

Does it seem unfair for yourself? You know what you want, but you are just too afraid of getting out. You wish you could have a better life in that planet while you know it's not. You earn something, but get nothing.

It's time to ask yourself what your dream really is. You may hear words of others telling you what you are supposed to do, underestimating, mocking, making fun of your dreams, but who the hell cares with them. This is your life. You control it and you are the creator of your own destiny. Why bother thinking of someone else's thought. You know what you have to do and you are ready for the risks you will bear. Success cannot be instantly achieved. Neither is gifted nor granted. It sacrifices life, time, energy, and even blood. 

Free yourself from mind and fear slavery! Reach your dreams even they seem impossible. The impossible is only for the unbeliever!

Sincerely,

A dream catcher

HELL-O-Monday

Welcome back Monday!

I am not in a mood of working today because of  diarrhea. I didn't eat last night and craved for balado chips which is damn hot and spicy. Therefore, I suffered diarrhea.

Lately, I've been feeling so lonely. I don't think people around me can listen what I am actually going through especially this person who keeps telling her stories without even asking how's mine. Somehow, I could survive with it but sometime, it's just annoying. That's why I'd better not talking.

Actually, I am planning to move to new dormitory where I could indulge myself after working and feel safe as well as comfortable while staying in my own room.

Concert!

So, I am done with concert stuff.

Sometime, I found myself working more like and event organizer rather than secretary to the ambassador, yet it's fun and challenging!

It was only one week preparation for the concert: designing the invitation, printing, distributing both electronically and non-electronically invitations, organizing sound system engineer, dealing with venue manager, guests listing, going to the airport to pick up the band, organizing their accommodation and at the same time working on office administrative tasks (clerk), visa (good or us during that week we had less applicants) and arranging the seats formation for the concert. I am glad that everything was set in time!

I can say that the concert is successfully commenced. We had more than 150 guests and everyone had a great time!

I am so excited and do really LOVE my job! :*
Hopefully, I can always give my best and contribute more to Embassy! ;)

Don't get married unless you are 'ready'.

Something just came across my mind, "Marriage".

It never happened to me to think or even to consider my life will soon end with becoming wife of  Mr. Who.
No, I mean I just found out that my life is getting closer to that big event of everyone's life. They said that marriage is the highest accomplishment in human's life. I previously depicted marriage life as awesome as 'Cinderella' or 'Snow White and the 7 dwarfs", but then it turns to freak me out when I should face the truth that 'Getting Married' is unbelievably not just that awesome as it's depicted.

I am Indonesian after all which people give too much concern into technical things that so called cultural stuffs whatsoever. I don't give too much shit, though. It's just...I tell you, marriage is a gate for you to enter a complex labyrinth space; once you get in, there's no turning back. No, I don't mean to exaggerate or to freak you out. It's just to reconsider your decision before it's too late. Late to regret. Importantly, you should know  very well person who is going to marry you; his/her family, background and other small things which would possibly grow bigger if you can start to talk about them  and even you should know about yourself; whether you will be able to mingle in such family, to love them as big as you love your own family, whether you could live the way they live and the other way around and whether their family could gladly receive and treat you as good as they treat their children. Those things should be fully considered before you step to marriage life. By the way, I suggested you to consider those things, but suddenly those shits scared me much. Errr...  

OK. Overall, the most important thing is commitment. Base your commitments strongly so you could build your life steadily unbreakable. Don't forget to put faith on it.

After all, hopefully we will make a happy sweet long-lasting family! :-)

Cheers!     

Surat untuk Semesta

Dear Semesta,

Sudah lama aku tak menyapamu. Apakah kau baik-baik saja?

Jangan tanyakan bagaimana kabarku karena ku yakin kau lebih mengetahui apa yang telah, sedang dan akan terjadi dalam hidupku. Bukan begitu wahai Semesta?

Mari melebur dan berdialektika.. Waktu pekat di Taman Gantung Aurora.


Salam,
Luminiferos

New Stage of Life

Halo I am now back as a robot!

It's been mostly more than a year since I wrote my last post. Thesis stuffs kept me busy and drew my attention for nothing else. I have officially got my degree! It took me 3,5 years to engage in Kierkegaard's project,  but it's totally awesome. OK. Let's not talk too much about what had happened.
You may see now I am sitting helplessly in my office waiting for my boss' instructions. NO, it's somehow cool working back here. At least, it's one step closer to my dream when I was child. It doesn't seem perfect though. This is where I start my career. I always do my best for every single day just to reach the next stage of this 'game'.

Sometime, my life now is lonesome. I should wake up early and late for coming home. Less time to share, less time to read, less time to learn, and less time to sleep as well. My only best friend is only smart machines such computer and my blackberry. My laptop is getting too old to be played with. He coughs so much lately and suffers from fever or something. I don't have a heart to push him. He was so much helpful while I was working on my thesis. He woke up almost 24 hours a day accompany me to knit of my dreams. I just now realize that he needs to take a bed rest, but please do not leave me so soon because I still need you, laptop  :( I think I should get round him to go to hospital. Once I have collected some money, I'll fix you, dear. Both of us are lonesome after all.

In spite of such lonesome, I am happy and thank to GOD for what He grants me: family, job which allows me to meet great people like my Ambassador--Mr. Jovan, Mrs. Olga, Mr. Vladan and Mr. Andrej and my future life, Putra. They are such a blessing to me. Thanks God :-)

coffee and tea

::"Saya rasa saya membutuhkan secangkir teh hangat atau kopi hitam yang hangat. Oh tidak. Saya sedang tidak membutuhkan segelas air. Mungkin nanti"

:::"Kenapa? Air akan lebih menyegarkan dan membuatmu lebih baik"

::"Aku pernah dengar tentang keajaiban sebuah air, tapi aku sedikit tidak yakin apa itu benar?"

:::"Aku yakin karena aku pernah merasakannya"

::"Apa yang membuatmu begitu yakin?"

:::(terdiam)

::"Saat ini, aku hanya ingin merasakan sedikit pahit dan juga manis dalam satu tegukan. Bukankah itu megasyikan"

:::"Air akan lebih menyegarkan"

::"Mungkin kamu benar, tapi biarkan aku mencobanya sekali saja"

:::"Baiklah jika itu yang kau mau"

::(berlalu pergi)

"I guess I need a cup of hot tea or black coffee No. I don't need a glass of water right now"

Ayo ke dunia kami !

Sabtu awal tahun 2011. Seperti biasa, kami tidak pernah bosan melakukan perjalanan ringan menjelajahi sebuah mall yang sudah menjadi tujuan utama kami sejak setahun lima bulan yang lalu hingga saat ini. Bosan? Entah kenapa tidak. Mungkin karena kami selalu punya cara untuk membuat sebuah atmosfer menyejukan ditengah kericuhan sekitar. Bisa dibilang ini sebuah ritual sakral yang patut dijalani. Untuk mengikat dan mempererat. Untuk menyatukan perbedaan. Dan untuk memahami.

Mungkin hanya sekedar menyeruput segelas milo atau cappucino ditemani sebatang rokok. Tidak. Aku tidak akan membakar si-tembakau di mulutku. Dia yang terlihat sangat nikmat menghisap si-tembakau sembari kami berwisata verbal. Kami menikmatinya.

Tapi hari ini sedikit berbeda. Kami menjelajahi masa depan melalui artefak-artefak yang terpampang apik diruangan berukuran besar itu. Aku menikmati perjalanan itu. Membayangkannya saja sudah membuatku bergidik kegirangan. Seakan masa depan sudah ada di genggaman. Keasyikan merangkai rasa. Keasyikan memotret rona kesempurnaan. Abstrak. Tapi tidak ada salahnya. Kami akan mewujudkan keabstrakan itu suatu saat.

Ini yang membuatku bersemangat. Mimpi dan harapan. Hei, kadang manusia butuh bermimpi sebelum mewujudkannya. Apa salahnya aku bermimpi membangun istana megah dengan para penghuni yang bahagia. Itu bukan hal yang tidak mungkin. Semua mungkin.

Dan aku bisa mewujudkannya bersama dia.

Hmm...kalau aku bilang HARUS, tidak apa-apa kan?

Mendadak dangdut (baca: parno)

Ya, nasib di kosan sendiri. Berdiam diri di kamar pojok lantai atas. Untung saja masih ada secercah kehidupan dari balik jendela yang mengarah langsung ke luar. Beruntungnya saya. Kalo saya ada di kamar pojok lorong sebelah kiri? Waaah, apa kabar dunia? Merana. Hampa. Sengsara. dan bahaya.

Sedikit pengen berbagi, rasa-rasanya ada yang aneh dengan aura yang terpancar di lorong atas (baca: lorong kos putri). Saya sudah lama tidak merasakan aura ini. Mungkin tepatnya tidak ingin merasakannya (lagi). Sudah cukup kejadian beberapa tahun silam membuat bulu bergidik, mata tak terpejam, keringat dingin dan bercucuran air mata akibat ketakutan yang luar biasa.

Bukan suatau kejadian yang persis seperti tempo dulu, hanya saja kok tiga hari belakangan ada yang mengusik kenikmatan saya di dunia mimpi ya? Entah hanya sekedar kembang tidur atau itu usikan yang menyesatkan. Setiap malam harus gelisah dan terbangun dengan menangis tragis. Rasa takut itu nyata hanya saja tidak bisa berbuat apa-apa. Entah harus bersyukur atau sebaliknya. Tetap bersyukur karena semua itu mimpi.

Yang jelas saya akan merasa lebih bersyukur kalo kejadian seperti tempo lalu tidak terulang lagi sekarang. Sudahlah, saya tidak menginginkan sebuah 'anugerah' menyeramkan yang disebut-sebut sebagai indera ke sekian. Banyak yang bilang itu mukjizat dan anugerah yang maha kuasa. Tapi bagi saya justru sedikit mengganggu kenyamanan. Ya, apapun itu saya harap segera hilangkan dan biarkan saya normal Ya Tuhan. AMIN.

Ngomong-ngomong, bayangan-bayangan aneh juga sering mengganggu kenyamanan sepertinya. Mudah-mudahan hanya halusinasi semata karena mungkin saya terlampau kelelahan akibat rutinitas. Ya, semoga saja. Semoga hanya ilusi dan fatamorgana bukan realita.

Tapi, jika memang ada, Hei berhentilah menggangguku. Lebih baik jaga aku. Hmm...

Kata mereka Tahun Baru. Kata-ku Buku Baru.

Tahun baru berdiam diri dalam sebuah ruangan berukuran medium.

Memulai perjalanan baru dengan menutup buku. Tidak. Buku itu masih ada, kok. Mungkin sewaktu-waktu aku akan membukanya sebagai bahan referensi. Menulis cerita baru juga butuh referensi dari sumber-sumber lain, toh!

Belum tahu pasti kira-kira seperti apa ya cerita di tahun depan? Yang pasti perjalanan si tokoh dalam buku cerita itu tidak melulu tentang realita saja. Ada mimpi di dalamnya. Ada imajinasi. Ada peri-peri cantik penghibur lara. Ada pahlawan bertopeng mungkin. Hehehe...Nobody knows.

Yang pasti sampul bukunya tetap sama kok, hanya saja isinya lebih veriatif dan dinamis. Bukan tentang Rapunzel yang terkukung diatas menara. Hei, tapi Rapunzel berhasil melihat dunia pada akhirnya. Butuh keberanian lebih untuk turun dari menara. Ya, itu semua tidak terlepas dari sang laki-laki-pencuri yang membawanya melihat dunia.

Sepertinya di buku itu ada sosok laki-laki pendamping tokoh utama. Hmm...

Mudah-mudahan di buku edisi terbaru ini, sang lelaki dan si tokoh utama akan menjadi pasangan sepanjang masa. Hei, tidak ada salahnya memprediksi dan berharap-harap cemas. Tidak ada salahnya membiarkan dongeng-dongeng bercengkrama dalam kehidupan kedua insan sejati itu. Toh, Kierkegaard pernah berkata 'percaya kepada yang absurd'. Mungkin khayalan yang menjelma menjadi sebuah harapanlah yang membuat manusia tetap bertahan hidup Dan satu lagi pastinya...C.I.N.T.A. Mungkin sebagian berkata itu hal picisan cengeng. Tapi, buktikan saja! Apa kalian bisa hidup tanpa lima huruf tersebut. Bukan sekedar nafsu dan romantika belaka. C.I.N.T.A mencakup seluruh aspek kehidupan. Trust me!

Hmm...berkata teerlalu jauh sepertinya. Tapi, ku dengar cerita di akhir buku sebelumnya menceritakan segala keindahan dan berkah yang luar biasa. Desember ceria. Begitu katanya. Aku turut senang. Berharap lembaran-lembaran berikutnya akan menjadi lebih indah dan sempurna. Meskipun tidak ada KESEMPURNAAN yang mutlak. Tapi, semua menjadi sempurna ketika kita bisa membuat ketidaksempurnaan menjadi suatu hal yang sempurna.

Yeah! Happy NEW BOOK everyone!

Be ready for the next journey!

You can make it and you can have it! :D

Memulai Kembali

Halooo, rasa-rasanya sudah lama saya tidak membiarkan jemari ini menari-nari mengikuti kata hati dan menyusuri setiap lekuk labirin otak kanan dan kiri untuk merangkai imajinasi indah maupun nakal. Bukan saya tidak ingin menuangkan semuanya, hanya saja sang waktu dan raga tak kuasa mensinkronisasikan diri atau mungkin saya yang terlalu terhanyut dalam realita yang kadang tidak cukup ditumpahkan dalam serangkaian kata. Entahlah.

Atau mungkin justru terlalu terbatasnya suara yang mampu menggemakan gaung kehidupannya. Sedikit karena mungkin hal itu dianggap sepele atau justru dianggap terlalu melampaui batas 'sepele'. Entahlah.

Yang pasti, mungkin ini waktu yang tepat untuk memulai kembali. Membiarkan jemari ini menelusuri setiap desahan nafas dan peluh yang tercipta demi sebuah dunia kecil bertajuk fenomena. Merapatkan mata, membuka lebar cakrawala dan memulai sebuah perjalanan panjang dengan segenap hati dan sepenuh jiwa.

Ya, kita makhluk yang bebas dengan keabstrakan nyawa yang justru memberikan berbagai warna. Jika dipadu-padukan justru menciptakan satu warna yang mutlak.

Entahlah.

Mungkin, sudah saatnya untuk memulai kembali.

Hei, tunggu!

Biarkan suara itu tetap menggema karena memulai bukan berarti mengakhiri.

My Rock and Roll (better DON'T READ it!)

I don't mean to be liberal or something, but somehow I just enjoy letting my minds grow little bit 'naughty' about how my life should be,

well, it doesn't mean I am wild, bitchy or something called 'out of track'.

NOPE! Not at all...

it just fantastic when you could see something from other different perspective, something that out of mainstream, something out of the box...Hmm, but wait a second, again I wanna tell you that it doesn't mean I move out from my box, okay?

This is another one....

Don't judge me for something well that you are not really sure what is it about?

you just know me from the surface...hell yeah you don't know me after all..

Don't catch me from the-so-called 'in-my-opinion' or 'as-I-know-about'...

wow, go ahead judging...I don't really care...I don't but yes YOU DO, right? Simply sorry I am not in #sigh#

Just gimme a space...

as long as I don't bother your own business, please don't give your shit of mine.

I don't mean to be sarcastic or what, I just need a space...hear what I said SPACE!

I don't ask you for money, house, or other luxuries stuffs...I just need a SPACE.

Hey this is my FUCKIN' LIFE, man!

You are not in because you will never know how 'FANTASTIC'' my life is, whoaaa yeah desperately 'FANTASTIC' you know,

poor, you don't even know what does 'FANTASTIC' really feel? is it full of ROCK, full of LAUGH or it is only about MISERY. Nobody knows coz' you never know.

You just need water and pillow

something that you cannot tell is just blowing up on your head

something that makes you stuck on the place you are not belong to

something that hard to explain, yeah something on your heart that they never know about

you need someone to lift you up to keep you safe

maybe you are too tired passing through life and thought

or maybe you just need to forget and forgive

or something more than just a word of 'pursuit of happyness' like Will says in his movie

you screamin', you cryin', you blamin' inside

you are too afraid to show those insanities

or you are pretending and covering up

no one knows, no one will, and they don't

you just need a glass of water and pillow.

Sandy Seeds of Sandy Land

We started our faith through words of unlimited space,
We gradually moved through the touch of our own sentences screen,
We were so into the discourse of us,
You were talking about ‘little goddess’, him as the thinker, myth, witty or wise, or even beliefs or disbeliefs—those cost you a lot of your own simple straight track
Me was more about definitely graceful words of figurative world and its old-stuffs-world-histories—those made me deadly sick of being logically logic like yours (nay, it was bloody so cool, I mean it!)
Connected well, somehow not really, that how we passed through the drought season…
Me looked pale and was hesitate, somehow sick of the fate, but there you go, pushed me on the faith and threw me to the framework of logical box to stay on…
Sometime it was bloody hell yeah hard to pass, but somehow it was easy while you were always there convincing me that those ‘little goddess’ truly existed around us….

Time passed us by without a simple scale of (re) solving or (re)meditating,
We have travelled along the sandy dessert hand-by-hand,
We have sung wonderful songs to the wasteland so he could give us more than a silly promising-fate like they usually uttered as a lie,
We have lived the drought through the wet, and it was tears of ours, and it was sweat of ours, and it breathed us to keep giving back and on…

And yes we both have travelled across the universe these twelve simple months for some good-reasons, for some good-aims, for some good-confessions, for some good-surrenders, for some good-life, and yes it is for some good-heritage of humankind…

We come to love and be loved,
For the time we never know when it ends.

This is the seeds that should be poured by faith and trust til’ someday it will grow as sturdy plants of happiness and kindness.




P.S: No gift for this blessing day for two of us, but there is only a plate of wishes and prays for this blessing time. May God will always give His blessing for the next level of our life—it may be harder than before, but no matter how rough it will be, God will always with us for some good reasons for our BEST life. Happy blessing belated time of ours, dear :)

D R E A M E R

‘I am a dreamer’, you said.

‘I have no gut in facing reality’, you named it well.

Do you think it’s a sin to be a dreamer? We were born to be a dreamer indeed,

But, sometime you never realize it, and pretend that you are realistic enough in facing this rough life.

We are after all a dreamer who creates a dreamland under the sky, above the land, and it’s filled with us, the imaginative characters.

We have no begun and neither does end.

We run forever in this tricky mind of reality

Somehow or other, reality seems imitation,

And fantasy of our dreamland is rather fully realistic,

You are shouting out loud in front of my face,

Waking me up as if everything was fake,

Hey, don’t you realize that ‘Reality’ is also a fake?

What lies beyond you and me?

It seems like no boundaries between fantasy and reality,

But, see…

You couldn’t make it without this dreamer,

You lied yourselves, you are pretending,

So, who is the dreamer after all?

Figure it out, what is fake, what is faith, who are we, who am I,

‘I am a dreamer’, you said

‘I have no gut in facing reality’, you named it well

But, you and I are living in both chain of dream and reality after all

Feminist upon my eyes

Feminist issues are such never-ending cases in this world since the word ‘emancipation’ was propagandized by some feminist figures. They have been suing the equalization in giving some roles and social identity between men and women. Liberal feminists are struggling for the right equalization between while radical feminist tend to reject in patriarchal system and give their so much rejections in symbolic order which is dominated by the men.

These studies are classified as feminist approach in literature criticism. In this approach, feminist oppose essentialism in their studies. Essentialism is a belief that things have a set of characteristic which make them what they are, or the doctrine that essence is prior to existence. They refuse this study, and point out that the property of feminine and masculine are the result of social construction, and it’s not coming from their innate quality as feminine or masculine. Extremely, Butler stated that biological differences between ‘man’ and ‘woman’ which are dichotomist are also the result of social construction. Social construction is the way people construct and judge men are considered as strong, while women are considered full of tenderness. Looking at this extreme paradigm, I have different perspective opposing the concepts. If ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ were shaped by social construction, my question will be ‘what is our existentialism’, ‘in which side we will stand’, ‘who decide what we are’. We can’t deny that since we were born, the gender has already embedded to us. It could be seen from our body construction that could distinguish our gender obviously. Scientifically, some research shows that our genes and hormonal point of views describe our characteristic that have already made ‘man’ and ‘woman’ different in many cases, not only from biological point of view, but it’s deeper than that. The ‘message’ inside our genes indirectly takes a part in shaping our characteristic, and it is then continued by ‘social construction’ mentioned by feminist. The ‘essence’ and ‘social construction’ are connected each other in distinguishing feminine and masculine. Then, how about heterosexual cases, well, I can say that, scientifically, heterosexual is the effect of genetic divergence which their body hormonal is not balance in amount, yet it still could be changed. However, it also needs some external factors as the support of the changing, which is (again) social construction. Heterosexual is not only the matter of choice of human’s life, but it is also supported by their environmental surrounding. Consequently, heterosexual is not the only reason for feminist to define ‘feminine’, ‘masculine’, or biological construction on them (man and woman) are the result of social construction because there are more complex explanations in scientific point of view and also as the matter of ‘essence’ or ‘destiny’ studied by essentialisms. In brief, what I want to say is that human characteristic whether it is ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ has already embedded as the matter of human essence since we were born, and this prepared characteristics are potentially dig and shaped by the ‘social construction’. Those procedures continue simultaneously, and we couldn’t separate one of them.

The other issue of feminist is about the equalization between man and woman, and feminists refusal in patriarchal symbolic. Well, if we talk about equalization between man and woman, we have to deal with the definition of ‘equalization’ itself, what kind of equalization do they want because it’s impossible to make man and woman definitely equal in many ways. Naturally, men were stronger enough in physical point of view; they are intelegence-animalia (metaphor for the man characteristic as an animal, but have intelligence). That’s why, they tend to be more brutal than women, and sometimes they could be uncontrollably doing something. If we take a look some years ago, the time when women were limited in many ways, and always be the object of man sexual abuse, it is because the quality of men who are born as intelegence-animalia. This historical background has led women to make some movement to destruct the gap. Since that, women could have some freedom to express themselves in many ways. I absolutely agree with statement that women should have their freedom and the right equalization as men do. However, the freedom and equalization that I support are in the case of education, jobs and etc, but they have to realize their position, their essence as the woman. We could have the highest education, we could have our dream-job, we could do man’s job, we could do everything freely, but we don’t have to forget our nature as woman. We grow in the country which gives so much respect in its custom and cultural values. We are woman couldn’t do something that violate our custom and cultural values, and so do the men. Although we are given freedom in many ways as women, but we still have to control ourselves, we have to see our nature and essence as the woman, and we can’t deny it. Consequently, if we want the equality as the man have, well we have it, but we can make it as equal as man because man and woman were born differently with also different role in this life. The only problem of this case is that, man sometimes cannot respect woman as the way they are. Men tend to use their power to manipulate the weakness of women, and this is actually what the feminist want to fight for, and sometimes feminists could be so much radical in their fight. We cannot deny that as the women we are born as weaker than man, but God has the reason for it. Women were born to control men’s brutality, and men were born stronger to protect the women, not to manipulate the women’s weakness. Well, this is actually the problem we are facing in this world. If men realize their role and give so much respect to women, there will be no more brutality in men and radical ideology in women because they have already understood their role from being different.

In brief, men and women were born to complete and control each other, not to destruct one another. Since we have our mind as the tool to solve our life problems, there is always so many ways out to make the harder to be easier. We don’t have to pretend because in fact men need women, and vice versa. This is actually life, we live in space with so many differences, but it’s the only way to shape our mental to be wiser and more respectful creatures on earth.

I see my dream as teacher :)

Being a Lecturer is now included in my dream-job list. I don’t even know the exact time that I can be so much in love in teaching. I used to dream to be an ambassador by the way, but the dream continually faded away since I couldn’t continue my study in International Relation Study. Now, I am majoring English literature in university of Indonesia. I really love learning English anyway. That’s why; my second choice in university test is English literature.

Previously, I thought that English literature is only focused on learning English as the language, but in fact my studies are more than a language approach. I got so many interesting new experiences in my major. Furthermore, since I studied in this university, I started my experience by being an English teacher for my Korean friend. I got so much enjoyment and satisfaction in teaching. I will make my students to understand fully through my lecture. I won’t let them going home in confusion. This is why, sometimes I don’t want to get paid from my teaching, but my Korean friend usually paid me by treating me out some meals.

Lately, I feel that I can make my hobby in teaching to earn some money. I started to find out the job by applying my CV to some teaching-vacancies, and it works although sometimes I found that the fee is not negotiable. Actually, I never give a calculation upon the fee because the important thing is that I can teach. Giving me chance to teach is kind of self-satisfaction for me. However, my mother and my friends started to remind me that everything in this life cannot take for granted, my knowledge should be rewarded. Consequently, now, I cannot easily accept the entire offer given by the institute to me. I begin to calculate the fee and transportation outcome equal with my efforts, and so on. Maybe, I can say that I am a bit materialistic, but I don’t think it’s a mistake because what my friends and my mother said were right, nothing is free in this world. However, eventually, fee doesn’t really matter for me as long as I have an opportunity to teach, it is more than enough.

Teaching is more than just a hobby for me, but it has been being a part of my life. As long as I could transfer my knowledge to other, I will do it no matter what people said about it because my goal is to make them to be well-educated generations. Indeed, I really hope that I could be an English Lecturer in FIB university of Indonesia which has given me so many experiences and has inspired me to continue my life-journey. I do really hope, and I hope my dream will be come true. Amen!