My Rock and Roll (better DON'T READ it!)

I don't mean to be liberal or something, but somehow I just enjoy letting my minds grow little bit 'naughty' about how my life should be,

well, it doesn't mean I am wild, bitchy or something called 'out of track'.

NOPE! Not at all...

it just fantastic when you could see something from other different perspective, something that out of mainstream, something out of the box...Hmm, but wait a second, again I wanna tell you that it doesn't mean I move out from my box, okay?

This is another one....

Don't judge me for something well that you are not really sure what is it about?

you just know me from the surface...hell yeah you don't know me after all..

Don't catch me from the-so-called 'in-my-opinion' or 'as-I-know-about'...

wow, go ahead judging...I don't really care...I don't but yes YOU DO, right? Simply sorry I am not in #sigh#

Just gimme a space...

as long as I don't bother your own business, please don't give your shit of mine.

I don't mean to be sarcastic or what, I just need a space...hear what I said SPACE!

I don't ask you for money, house, or other luxuries stuffs...I just need a SPACE.

Hey this is my FUCKIN' LIFE, man!

You are not in because you will never know how 'FANTASTIC'' my life is, whoaaa yeah desperately 'FANTASTIC' you know,

poor, you don't even know what does 'FANTASTIC' really feel? is it full of ROCK, full of LAUGH or it is only about MISERY. Nobody knows coz' you never know.

I see my dream as teacher :)

Being a Lecturer is now included in my dream-job list. I don’t even know the exact time that I can be so much in love in teaching. I used to dream to be an ambassador by the way, but the dream continually faded away since I couldn’t continue my study in International Relation Study. Now, I am majoring English literature in university of Indonesia. I really love learning English anyway. That’s why; my second choice in university test is English literature.

Previously, I thought that English literature is only focused on learning English as the language, but in fact my studies are more than a language approach. I got so many interesting new experiences in my major. Furthermore, since I studied in this university, I started my experience by being an English teacher for my Korean friend. I got so much enjoyment and satisfaction in teaching. I will make my students to understand fully through my lecture. I won’t let them going home in confusion. This is why, sometimes I don’t want to get paid from my teaching, but my Korean friend usually paid me by treating me out some meals.

Lately, I feel that I can make my hobby in teaching to earn some money. I started to find out the job by applying my CV to some teaching-vacancies, and it works although sometimes I found that the fee is not negotiable. Actually, I never give a calculation upon the fee because the important thing is that I can teach. Giving me chance to teach is kind of self-satisfaction for me. However, my mother and my friends started to remind me that everything in this life cannot take for granted, my knowledge should be rewarded. Consequently, now, I cannot easily accept the entire offer given by the institute to me. I begin to calculate the fee and transportation outcome equal with my efforts, and so on. Maybe, I can say that I am a bit materialistic, but I don’t think it’s a mistake because what my friends and my mother said were right, nothing is free in this world. However, eventually, fee doesn’t really matter for me as long as I have an opportunity to teach, it is more than enough.

Teaching is more than just a hobby for me, but it has been being a part of my life. As long as I could transfer my knowledge to other, I will do it no matter what people said about it because my goal is to make them to be well-educated generations. Indeed, I really hope that I could be an English Lecturer in FIB university of Indonesia which has given me so many experiences and has inspired me to continue my life-journey. I do really hope, and I hope my dream will be come true. Amen!

The Confession of 20-year-old young girl

I keep wondering how does it feel being 20?
And, this is it...Now I am officially 20-year-old girl with (again) never been growing up as my age.
somehow, I felt that twenty is scared me a lot, it has no number "one" following the other numbers, and it's been replaced into number "two" which then follows other numbers as well. Yeah, actually this is the phase into the word of "MATURITY". Maturity? I dont really know about it and seems like I have no idea regarding that word. Honestly, whatever the reasons are, I do hate to be mature! Surely, I have no guts in facing the reality coz' life is like a big prison to me. '

Well, can I stay in that land, where all fairies lived and spread their blessing to our little kids? I wish I could...

Anyway, God served me a big plate of dishes at once on my birthday; they were problems, confusions, unstable life, and a huge number of ordeals. Maybe, God wanted to know how expert chintia in handling all those crazy stuffs at once, and maybe it's kind an opening stage of our life to pass another stages afterward. It's like doing a midterm test of the first-year students in the university, when everything is vague and we just try to make the best guess as we can do. Just like a map to guide us accross the jungle so that we will not lost.

Oh dear, those are exactly what I felt of being twenty. Fantastic, Incredible, but somehow it's hard! However, I do believe that it is just the strating point to find my personal legend, like what coelho stated in "The Alchemist". It's long way to go, and it's such a never-ending journey to be there, but I will never stop to walk and run as quick as I could. I don't want to be a dreamer who lives in the fairy tales, that tells only one part of human's character and human's life.
This is life, hunny! It's not all about greatness, satisfaction, and the stage of acts where you could fulfill and get everything you need, but it's all about how you strive harder to survive in all conditions we are going to face. God has answered all those difficulties by giving some choices for His Men in this world. We hand it by ourselves. So then, what should I am worried about in facing reality? There are no more reasons to be afraid and stucked on the faith.

What I have to do just keep moving on the track, the path of mine. One aim, one vision, one fighter!

It's such a blessing moment of my life and be gratefully I said to You, The Almighty Allah, The Lord of the universe! I hope I could fix the guiltiness and start with the white space of pure heart to continue the journey to gain my "Personal Legend".

God, guide me to move straight in your lighting path, reminds me when I begin to turn against your way, then forgive me for the shadow around my way to You.
I am remorsefully ask your apology and give me the second chance to fix everything in my life.

Lastly, Welcome to reality, my young-twenty-year-old girl!
You will make it, chintia!

"I am tough, I am rough!" (smirk) ;)



Oke!
Terimakasih untuk segala berkah dari Sang Maha Segalanya, Allah SWT atas waktu dan kesempatan sehingga saya dapat menikmati pergantian usia yang kini telah berkepala dua. Wow. Wow. Saya sangat tidak siap untuk menghadapi hari ini. Tapi, so many thanks buat sang pujaan hati yang selalu siap sedia dan dengan penuh kesabaran mendampingi saya dalam menghadapi setiap fase hidup yang terkadang membuat saya lelah dan ingin mengakhiri semuanya, namun dia dengan penuh kesabaran me-re-charge jiwa yang lambat laun mulai kosong ini. Yah, kepada Rohmansyah Putra Agung, "Thanks a lot Hunny. You are the light that never dim". Begitu juga dengan makhluk-makhluk yang kusebut sebagai teman dan sahabat :)
You guys are just more than that AMAZING! :)

Silly thoughts about thoughts

This is the theory or rather specifically called as my principle I found related to the experience through my own thoughts, or you can say it as an instinct indeed. I dont know where it begun, but sometime I felt that the power of human thoughts are deadly amazing.

As the started, I just want to remind you that everything I wrote in this space is absolutely the crap rather silly opinion that you can trust or not either. It's all up to you. So, enjoy this crazzy stuffs.

It just like a huge driver capacity that you may load the countless databases inside of it, just like USB within many types according to its capacity or just like a computer which not only works in saving but also processing something, datas. Obviously, it is brain, inside our head doing this. Brain is just the centre of coordinating system in your body so you have a balance. Then, its jobs are beside processing, it also helps you to remember the events and to think about it (it's theoritically). However, have you ever told that everything comes in our mind sometime unconciously reflects to the experiences we had before we live. As a result, human are technically creative and cultured. For instance, human creates something then they named it. Say, it is a tool made of glass reflects your own image, then it is called in term of "mirror" which then admitted and used by all the people around the world. Actually, the capability they have in doing so has started since we were in the world before this world. What I mean here is simply agree about what PLATO stated about the world of idea. He believes that the world of idea is the reality meanwhile the life in the world today is based on the experience we got in the world of idea, so we can say that as it is unreal world of today. Personally, I am quite agree with the theory of Plato because it is possible that human has already given and experienced themselves long time before they are born into this life. That's why, human is supposed to be critically logic in their perspectives, cultured, creative, and well in creating as well as maintaining the world they live.

By the way, it is the interlude of my further explanation about the power of thouhghts. Essentially, my point of view is more than those things I've already expalained, but don't worry it still has something to do with it.

moving on to my personal theory which is actually the point of this writing! *hohohoho*
The theory is that the answers of whole questions in this world can be done by exploring the thoughts of human being because everything has already saved and experienced before we live in this world, just like what Plato has said. All the printed answers are made by human, so I believe that human by themselves could find the answers by using their own brain, their thought without depending on the sources which is made by human also and sometimes it has possibility goes wrong. However, this is what I called as the flexibility of human thoughts and the magical intuition of thoughts. Well, in this case, my theory is not implemented in terms of religion point of view because it is absolute case that cannot be questioned by your own thoughts. Also some cases with the principle facts about something. Anyway, every little things in this world always have two possibilities, so we must think and figure it out. Try to ask yourself about what is this and what is that then how this thing could happen, why, and etc. These questions will help you to see every cases in many different point of views, and not dirrecly accept everything said on the printed stuff or other people's opinion. You can filtrate even giving your rebuttal and your own arguments. However, those activities just only could be done by using our brain, our thoughts. Unconsciously, every human has capability to find the answer of everything lies on this earth by (again) exploring their thoughts!

Actually, in my dialy life, I would prefer to use my brain to think as hard as it can at first than to find the answer directly through the printed answers because I do believe in the power of my thoughts and the answer is already there, we just need the harder efforts to find it out!

So, what do you think?
You don't have to be agree with my theory. It just (again) only what my thoughts said about its power, none of the experiments prove about my theory itself.
Indeed, it's not impossible if my theory will be proven, we never know. Hehehehe....

What They Mean to Me...

Having so many friends is easy to do, but having best friend is such a long way to go. I am the one who really appreciate the symbol of friendship. If you ask me what friend means to me? Well, I will say they have the important role in my life after the role of my family. Perhaps, I could say that they mean a lot to me. However, I have lots of friends, but I only have few, who I called them as ‘My Best Friends”. Best Friends have special place in my life. They are the first people who know what is going on with me when my family is not around. I trust them a lot. Best friends are they who never tired to hear my voice of happiness, sadness, hopeless, and other emotion in my own. My best friends much more understand me than myself. Unconsciously, they help me to learn from the mistakes I did. They teach me to be mature in facing each condition in this cruel life. I love my best friends more than I love myself. They are the spirit that always leads me to move forward and keep going on. They light me up by no dim at all. However, those people called best friends, they are not here, near to me, but they are far from me, we now seldom to communicate and see each other just only on the holiday. We have no common life again, and we survive by ourselves which then we hope by the time we meet, we will have reached our dreams that we are fought at this moment. We are girls with a thousand dreams, we are tough and rough, and we have one vision which is make our parents proud of us. We promise that we will keep up or communication well until we grow older then it’s such an everlasting promises among our friendship. Sometime, I miss them and want to see them. It’s not enough to communicate by only phone or texts. Anyway, they are the reason why I could be like this, try to be tough on my own. They are my truly best friends I’ve ever had. For those roles of them to me, I can say that best friends are really mean to me.

(This writing is dedicated to my best friends; Fika, Dyta, Mei-mei and Nadiyya, “I LOVE YOU,GUYS!” )