Maret 20, 2010


‘I am a dreamer’, you said.

‘I have no gut in facing reality’, you named it well.

Do you think it’s a sin to be a dreamer? We were born to be a dreamer indeed,

But, sometime you never realize it, and pretend that you are realistic enough in facing this rough life.

We are after all a dreamer who creates a dreamland under the sky, above the land, and it’s filled with us, the imaginative characters.

We have no begun and neither does end.

We run forever in this tricky mind of reality

Somehow or other, reality seems imitation,

And fantasy of our dreamland is rather fully realistic,

You are shouting out loud in front of my face,

Waking me up as if everything was fake,

Hey, don’t you realize that ‘Reality’ is also a fake?

What lies beyond you and me?

It seems like no boundaries between fantasy and reality,

But, see…

You couldn’t make it without this dreamer,

You lied yourselves, you are pretending,

So, who is the dreamer after all?

Figure it out, what is fake, what is faith, who are we, who am I,

‘I am a dreamer’, you said

‘I have no gut in facing reality’, you named it well

But, you and I are living in both chain of dream and reality after all

Feminist upon my eyes

Feminist issues are such never-ending cases in this world since the word ‘emancipation’ was propagandized by some feminist figures. They have been suing the equalization in giving some roles and social identity between men and women. Liberal feminists are struggling for the right equalization between while radical feminist tend to reject in patriarchal system and give their so much rejections in symbolic order which is dominated by the men.

These studies are classified as feminist approach in literature criticism. In this approach, feminist oppose essentialism in their studies. Essentialism is a belief that things have a set of characteristic which make them what they are, or the doctrine that essence is prior to existence. They refuse this study, and point out that the property of feminine and masculine are the result of social construction, and it’s not coming from their innate quality as feminine or masculine. Extremely, Butler stated that biological differences between ‘man’ and ‘woman’ which are dichotomist are also the result of social construction. Social construction is the way people construct and judge men are considered as strong, while women are considered full of tenderness. Looking at this extreme paradigm, I have different perspective opposing the concepts. If ‘feminine’ and ‘masculine’ were shaped by social construction, my question will be ‘what is our existentialism’, ‘in which side we will stand’, ‘who decide what we are’. We can’t deny that since we were born, the gender has already embedded to us. It could be seen from our body construction that could distinguish our gender obviously. Scientifically, some research shows that our genes and hormonal point of views describe our characteristic that have already made ‘man’ and ‘woman’ different in many cases, not only from biological point of view, but it’s deeper than that. The ‘message’ inside our genes indirectly takes a part in shaping our characteristic, and it is then continued by ‘social construction’ mentioned by feminist. The ‘essence’ and ‘social construction’ are connected each other in distinguishing feminine and masculine. Then, how about heterosexual cases, well, I can say that, scientifically, heterosexual is the effect of genetic divergence which their body hormonal is not balance in amount, yet it still could be changed. However, it also needs some external factors as the support of the changing, which is (again) social construction. Heterosexual is not only the matter of choice of human’s life, but it is also supported by their environmental surrounding. Consequently, heterosexual is not the only reason for feminist to define ‘feminine’, ‘masculine’, or biological construction on them (man and woman) are the result of social construction because there are more complex explanations in scientific point of view and also as the matter of ‘essence’ or ‘destiny’ studied by essentialisms. In brief, what I want to say is that human characteristic whether it is ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ has already embedded as the matter of human essence since we were born, and this prepared characteristics are potentially dig and shaped by the ‘social construction’. Those procedures continue simultaneously, and we couldn’t separate one of them.

The other issue of feminist is about the equalization between man and woman, and feminists refusal in patriarchal symbolic. Well, if we talk about equalization between man and woman, we have to deal with the definition of ‘equalization’ itself, what kind of equalization do they want because it’s impossible to make man and woman definitely equal in many ways. Naturally, men were stronger enough in physical point of view; they are intelegence-animalia (metaphor for the man characteristic as an animal, but have intelligence). That’s why, they tend to be more brutal than women, and sometimes they could be uncontrollably doing something. If we take a look some years ago, the time when women were limited in many ways, and always be the object of man sexual abuse, it is because the quality of men who are born as intelegence-animalia. This historical background has led women to make some movement to destruct the gap. Since that, women could have some freedom to express themselves in many ways. I absolutely agree with statement that women should have their freedom and the right equalization as men do. However, the freedom and equalization that I support are in the case of education, jobs and etc, but they have to realize their position, their essence as the woman. We could have the highest education, we could have our dream-job, we could do man’s job, we could do everything freely, but we don’t have to forget our nature as woman. We grow in the country which gives so much respect in its custom and cultural values. We are woman couldn’t do something that violate our custom and cultural values, and so do the men. Although we are given freedom in many ways as women, but we still have to control ourselves, we have to see our nature and essence as the woman, and we can’t deny it. Consequently, if we want the equality as the man have, well we have it, but we can make it as equal as man because man and woman were born differently with also different role in this life. The only problem of this case is that, man sometimes cannot respect woman as the way they are. Men tend to use their power to manipulate the weakness of women, and this is actually what the feminist want to fight for, and sometimes feminists could be so much radical in their fight. We cannot deny that as the women we are born as weaker than man, but God has the reason for it. Women were born to control men’s brutality, and men were born stronger to protect the women, not to manipulate the women’s weakness. Well, this is actually the problem we are facing in this world. If men realize their role and give so much respect to women, there will be no more brutality in men and radical ideology in women because they have already understood their role from being different.

In brief, men and women were born to complete and control each other, not to destruct one another. Since we have our mind as the tool to solve our life problems, there is always so many ways out to make the harder to be easier. We don’t have to pretend because in fact men need women, and vice versa. This is actually life, we live in space with so many differences, but it’s the only way to shape our mental to be wiser and more respectful creatures on earth.

I see my dream as teacher :)

Being a Lecturer is now included in my dream-job list. I don’t even know the exact time that I can be so much in love in teaching. I used to dream to be an ambassador by the way, but the dream continually faded away since I couldn’t continue my study in International Relation Study. Now, I am majoring English literature in university of Indonesia. I really love learning English anyway. That’s why; my second choice in university test is English literature.

Previously, I thought that English literature is only focused on learning English as the language, but in fact my studies are more than a language approach. I got so many interesting new experiences in my major. Furthermore, since I studied in this university, I started my experience by being an English teacher for my Korean friend. I got so much enjoyment and satisfaction in teaching. I will make my students to understand fully through my lecture. I won’t let them going home in confusion. This is why, sometimes I don’t want to get paid from my teaching, but my Korean friend usually paid me by treating me out some meals.

Lately, I feel that I can make my hobby in teaching to earn some money. I started to find out the job by applying my CV to some teaching-vacancies, and it works although sometimes I found that the fee is not negotiable. Actually, I never give a calculation upon the fee because the important thing is that I can teach. Giving me chance to teach is kind of self-satisfaction for me. However, my mother and my friends started to remind me that everything in this life cannot take for granted, my knowledge should be rewarded. Consequently, now, I cannot easily accept the entire offer given by the institute to me. I begin to calculate the fee and transportation outcome equal with my efforts, and so on. Maybe, I can say that I am a bit materialistic, but I don’t think it’s a mistake because what my friends and my mother said were right, nothing is free in this world. However, eventually, fee doesn’t really matter for me as long as I have an opportunity to teach, it is more than enough.

Teaching is more than just a hobby for me, but it has been being a part of my life. As long as I could transfer my knowledge to other, I will do it no matter what people said about it because my goal is to make them to be well-educated generations. Indeed, I really hope that I could be an English Lecturer in FIB university of Indonesia which has given me so many experiences and has inspired me to continue my life-journey. I do really hope, and I hope my dream will be come true. Amen!

Maret 10, 2010


What stupid cannot tell is about reality
Thry are hiding on their stupidity
Why do they have to be somebody
give a mocking words upon anybody
sarcasm? they are not really that trash,
but they are trying to hide from the thing
shut your fuckin utterances about idealism of something you called "cool", "incredible",
or whatever you said about those,
Wake up, dude! Life is not taht too simple,
and it's not all about you, your feeling,
you have to be more sensitive with your surroundings,
try to catch up other one's feeling,
they are NOT you..

Maret 03, 2010


Living untouched from reality is the rules of your play,
Act some roles given daily
Hiding from who you are should be,
Persuading is the only term uttered along the screen,
And it is the brand since we first met,
You have just shaped the world into what you want them to be,
Stupidly they imitate those catchy horrendous stuffs,
Innocently they decode the twist behind it,
They swallow those stuffs by no digesting or filtrating,
You are deliberately giving away your ideology,
Sink them into the aimlessly world that they wish would never touch,
Make them as your never ending guinea-pig of never ending ideology of screen offered
They grow no typically they do,
They act and talk similar,
They dress also similar as other do, no more identically as “you and me”,
You play it successfully as the object of your money-oriented and so does profit-oriented,
Your roles on the screen is the magic box that all imaginations and fantasy live,
Lift the reality upon their brain,
Shift it by the new concept of yours through their brain also,
Woefully, they follow your flow of stereotyping and being not so proud of themselves,
It grows continuously, and it’s gonna be never-ending stories of living between fantasy and reality.

The Elegance of Woman

Women are always identified as feminine that is naturally embedded to them since they were born. They were shaped contradictory different personalities with man, so the famous book stated that “Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars” which implies that both men and women are obviously different not as the matter of gender, but it’s more complex than that. Women are the gentlest creature ever, they act with their heart rather than logicality, and they are so elegance in many ways. What does exactly the things which could make women as the gentlest and the most elegance creature on earth, and what the fact nowadays tells about this phenomenon? Do they still exist as the elegance who ones always tell?

What makes women look elegance are the way how they keep their secrets from others and their independency in handling everything ahead. First thing first is about how they keep their secrets. Well, the term “secret” in this case is not literally “secret”, but it has wide meanings. Women who are not easily talking or exposing about everything they feel, all their personal life, their privacy, and all the things related to theirs to others can be considered as mysterious. Consequently, this mysterious atmosphere they built will make them far more elegance because they could divide which is something that they should tell and which is not. They are likeable when they could cover themselves and being a listener rather that talking too many unimportant and useless things like gossiping and other women things usually do related to talking habit. This talking habit which grows uncontrollably will only lead them into the one whom easily to guess and no more special to others because they have already opened up themselves freely to public (publicity). The other “secret” means not exposing your physical appearance which makes you as the public intake for all the sights. However, the facts show that women nowadays grow as far more aggressive in many ways so that they stand as no more elegance. The brand of elegance and gentle which always embed to women is continuously disappeared from our life. The other thing what makes women look elegance is that their independency in handling everything. Believe it or not, women were born as a tough in many ways they do, but not all the women realize this because they still stuck in the old-saying stated that women are weak. This conventional thought makes them depend more to others, and they tend don’t believe in their capability in handling everything ahead. Actually, they who are brave enough to take a risk and stand steadily facing the obstacles in this life by their own feet, independently, will make them look stronger, and this is the other way to define “elegance” as the aspect of women who are considered as feminine. Unfortunately, what the fact tells today is that women are prone to “play save” in their life. Well, I think it’s not too late if women try to fix all the condition better so that they could stand still as the creature with their elegance, gentle, but also tough, and they are not only living as the creature who must be protected by the men, but also as the one who must be respected their existentialism as well.

On my last word, to be or not to be is the matter of choice of our personal life, but we cannot stand away from the values and the nature of being a woman. It’s our duty to maintain it. Don’t let the word “freedom” kills our ideology of being woman.