Desember 31, 2010
Desember 30, 2010
September 09, 2010
Agustus 25, 2010
something that you cannot tell is just blowing up on your head
something that makes you stuck on the place you are not belong to
something that hard to explain, yeah something on your heart that they never know about
you need someone to lift you up to keep you safe
maybe you are too tired passing through life and thought
or maybe you just need to forget and forgive
or something more than just a word of 'pursuit of happyness' like Will says in his movie
you screamin', you cryin', you blamin' inside
you are too afraid to show those insanities
or you are pretending and covering up
no one knows, no one will, and they don't
you just need a glass of water and pillow.
We gradually moved through the touch of our own sentences screen,
We were so into the discourse of us,
You were talking about ‘little goddess’, him as the thinker, myth, witty or wise, or even beliefs or disbeliefs—those cost you a lot of your own simple straight track
Me was more about definitely graceful words of figurative world and its old-stuffs-world-histories—those made me deadly sick of being logically logic like yours (nay, it was bloody so cool, I mean it!)
Connected well, somehow not really, that how we passed through the drought season…
Me looked pale and was hesitate, somehow sick of the fate, but there you go, pushed me on the faith and threw me to the framework of logical box to stay on…
Sometime it was bloody hell yeah hard to pass, but somehow it was easy while you were always there convincing me that those ‘little goddess’ truly existed around us….
Time passed us by without a simple scale of (re) solving or (re)meditating,
We have travelled along the sandy dessert hand-by-hand,
We have sung wonderful songs to the wasteland so he could give us more than a silly promising-fate like they usually uttered as a lie,
We have lived the drought through the wet, and it was tears of ours, and it was sweat of ours, and it breathed us to keep giving back and on…
And yes we both have travelled across the universe these twelve simple months for some good-reasons, for some good-aims, for some good-confessions, for some good-surrenders, for some good-life, and yes it is for some good-heritage of humankind…
We come to love and be loved,
For the time we never know when it ends.
This is the seeds that should be poured by faith and trust til’ someday it will grow as sturdy plants of happiness and kindness.
P.S: No gift for this blessing day for two of us, but there is only a plate of wishes and prays for this blessing time. May God will always give His blessing for the next level of our life—it may be harder than before, but no matter how rough it will be, God will always with us for some good reasons for our BEST life. Happy blessing belated time of ours, dear :)
Maret 20, 2010
‘I am a dreamer’, you said.
‘I have no gut in facing reality’, you named it well.
Do you think it’s a sin to be a dreamer? We were born to be a dreamer indeed,
But, sometime you never realize it, and pretend that you are realistic enough in facing this rough life.
We are after all a dreamer who creates a dreamland under the sky, above the land, and it’s filled with us, the imaginative characters.
We have no begun and neither does end.
We run forever in this tricky mind of reality
Somehow or other, reality seems imitation,
And fantasy of our dreamland is rather fully realistic,
You are shouting out loud in front of my face,
Waking me up as if everything was fake,
Hey, don’t you realize that ‘Reality’ is also a fake?
What lies beyond you and me?
It seems like no boundaries between fantasy and reality,
You couldn’t make it without this dreamer,
You lied yourselves, you are pretending,
So, who is the dreamer after all?
Figure it out, what is fake, what is faith, who are we, who am I,
‘I am a dreamer’, you said
‘I have no gut in facing reality’, you named it well
But, you and I are living in both chain of dream and reality after all
Feminist issues are such never-ending cases in this world since the word ‘emancipation’ was propagandized by some feminist figures. They have been suing the equalization in giving some roles and social identity between men and women. Liberal feminists are struggling for the right equalization between while radical feminist tend to reject in patriarchal system and give their so much rejections in symbolic order which is dominated by the men.
These studies are classified as feminist approach in literature criticism. In this approach, feminist oppose essentialism in their studies. Essentialism is a belief that things have a set of characteristic which make them what they are, or the doctrine that essence is prior to existence. They refuse this study, and point out that the property of feminine and masculine are the result of social construction, and it’s not coming from their innate quality as feminine or masculine. Extremely,
The other issue of feminist is about the equalization between man and woman, and feminists refusal in patriarchal symbolic. Well, if we talk about equalization between man and woman, we have to deal with the definition of ‘equalization’ itself, what kind of equalization do they want because it’s impossible to make man and woman definitely equal in many ways. Naturally, men were stronger enough in physical point of view; they are intelegence-animalia (metaphor for the man characteristic as an animal, but have intelligence). That’s why, they tend to be more brutal than women, and sometimes they could be uncontrollably doing something. If we take a look some years ago, the time when women were limited in many ways, and always be the object of man sexual abuse, it is because the quality of men who are born as intelegence-animalia. This historical background has led women to make some movement to destruct the gap. Since that, women could have some freedom to express themselves in many ways. I absolutely agree with statement that women should have their freedom and the right equalization as men do. However, the freedom and equalization that I support are in the case of education, jobs and etc, but they have to realize their position, their essence as the woman. We could have the highest education, we could have our dream-job, we could do man’s job, we could do everything freely, but we don’t have to forget our nature as woman. We grow in the country which gives so much respect in its custom and cultural values. We are woman couldn’t do something that violate our custom and cultural values, and so do the men. Although we are given freedom in many ways as women, but we still have to control ourselves, we have to see our nature and essence as the woman, and we can’t deny it. Consequently, if we want the equality as the man have, well we have it, but we can make it as equal as man because man and woman were born differently with also different role in this life. The only problem of this case is that, man sometimes cannot respect woman as the way they are. Men tend to use their power to manipulate the weakness of women, and this is actually what the feminist want to fight for, and sometimes feminists could be so much radical in their fight. We cannot deny that as the women we are born as weaker than man, but God has the reason for it. Women were born to control men’s brutality, and men were born stronger to protect the women, not to manipulate the women’s weakness. Well, this is actually the problem we are facing in this world. If men realize their role and give so much respect to women, there will be no more brutality in men and radical ideology in women because they have already understood their role from being different.
In brief, men and women were born to complete and control each other, not to destruct one another. Since we have our mind as the tool to solve our life problems, there is always so many ways out to make the harder to be easier. We don’t have to pretend because in fact men need women, and vice versa. This is actually life, we live in space with so many differences, but it’s the only way to shape our mental to be wiser and more respectful creatures on earth.
Being a Lecturer is now included in my dream-job list. I don’t even know the exact time that I can be so much in love in teaching. I used to dream to be an ambassador by the way, but the dream continually faded away since I couldn’t continue my study in International Relation Study. Now, I am majoring English literature in
Previously, I thought that English literature is only focused on learning English as the language, but in fact my studies are more than a language approach. I got so many interesting new experiences in my major. Furthermore, since I studied in this university, I started my experience by being an English teacher for my Korean friend. I got so much enjoyment and satisfaction in teaching. I will make my students to understand fully through my lecture. I won’t let them going home in confusion. This is why, sometimes I don’t want to get paid from my teaching, but my Korean friend usually paid me by treating me out some meals.
Lately, I feel that I can make my hobby in teaching to earn some money. I started to find out the job by applying my CV to some teaching-vacancies, and it works although sometimes I found that the fee is not negotiable. Actually, I never give a calculation upon the fee because the important thing is that I can teach. Giving me chance to teach is kind of self-satisfaction for me. However, my mother and my friends started to remind me that everything in this life cannot take for granted, my knowledge should be rewarded. Consequently, now, I cannot easily accept the entire offer given by the institute to me. I begin to calculate the fee and transportation outcome equal with my efforts, and so on. Maybe, I can say that I am a bit materialistic, but I don’t think it’s a mistake because what my friends and my mother said were right, nothing is free in this world. However, eventually, fee doesn’t really matter for me as long as I have an opportunity to teach, it is more than enough.
Teaching is more than just a hobby for me, but it has been being a part of my life. As long as I could transfer my knowledge to other, I will do it no matter what people said about it because my goal is to make them to be well-educated generations. Indeed, I really hope that I could be an English Lecturer in FIB
Maret 10, 2010
Thry are hiding on their stupidity
Why do they have to be somebody
give a mocking words upon anybody
sarcasm? they are not really that trash,
but they are trying to hide from the thing
shut your fuckin utterances about idealism of something you called "cool", "incredible",
or whatever you said about those,
Wake up, dude! Life is not taht too simple,
and it's not all about you, your feeling,
you have to be more sensitive with your surroundings,
try to catch up other one's feeling,
they are NOT you..
Maret 03, 2010
Act some roles given daily
Hiding from who you are should be,
Persuading is the only term uttered along the screen,
And it is the brand since we first met,
You have just shaped the world into what you want them to be,
Stupidly they imitate those catchy horrendous stuffs,
Innocently they decode the twist behind it,
They swallow those stuffs by no digesting or filtrating,
You are deliberately giving away your ideology,
Sink them into the aimlessly world that they wish would never touch,
Make them as your never ending guinea-pig of never ending ideology of screen offered
They grow no typically they do,
They act and talk similar,
They dress also similar as other do, no more identically as “you and me”,
You play it successfully as the object of your money-oriented and so does profit-oriented,
Your roles on the screen is the magic box that all imaginations and fantasy live,
Lift the reality upon their brain,
Shift it by the new concept of yours through their brain also,
Woefully, they follow your flow of stereotyping and being not so proud of themselves,
It grows continuously, and it’s gonna be never-ending stories of living between fantasy and reality.
Women are always identified as feminine that is naturally embedded to them since they were born. They were shaped contradictory different personalities with man, so the famous book stated that “Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars” which implies that both men and women are obviously different not as the matter of gender, but it’s more complex than that. Women are the gentlest creature ever, they act with their heart rather than logicality, and they are so elegance in many ways. What does exactly the things which could make women as the gentlest and the most elegance creature on earth, and what the fact nowadays tells about this phenomenon? Do they still exist as the elegance who ones always tell?
What makes women look elegance are the way how they keep their secrets from others and their independency in handling everything ahead. First thing first is about how they keep their secrets. Well, the term “secret” in this case is not literally “secret”, but it has wide meanings. Women who are not easily talking or exposing about everything they feel, all their personal life, their privacy, and all the things related to theirs to others can be considered as mysterious. Consequently, this mysterious atmosphere they built will make them far more elegance because they could divide which is something that they should tell and which is not. They are likeable when they could cover themselves and being a listener rather that talking too many unimportant and useless things like gossiping and other women things usually do related to talking habit. This talking habit which grows uncontrollably will only lead them into the one whom easily to guess and no more special to others because they have already opened up themselves freely to public (publicity). The other “secret” means not exposing your physical appearance which makes you as the public intake for all the sights. However, the facts show that women nowadays grow as far more aggressive in many ways so that they stand as no more elegance. The brand of elegance and gentle which always embed to women is continuously disappeared from our life. The other thing what makes women look elegance is that their independency in handling everything. Believe it or not, women were born as a tough in many ways they do, but not all the women realize this because they still stuck in the old-saying stated that women are weak. This conventional thought makes them depend more to others, and they tend don’t believe in their capability in handling everything ahead. Actually, they who are brave enough to take a risk and stand steadily facing the obstacles in this life by their own feet, independently, will make them look stronger, and this is the other way to define “elegance” as the aspect of women who are considered as feminine. Unfortunately, what the fact tells today is that women are prone to “play save” in their life. Well, I think it’s not too late if women try to fix all the condition better so that they could stand still as the creature with their elegance, gentle, but also tough, and they are not only living as the creature who must be protected by the men, but also as the one who must be respected their existentialism as well.
On my last word, to be or not to be is the matter of choice of our personal life, but we cannot stand away from the values and the nature of being a woman. It’s our duty to maintain it. Don’t let the word “freedom” kills our ideology of being woman.
Februari 24, 2010
However, what I am going to explain deeper in this journal is that about my lecturer notion about aesthetics, “The aesthetics value should be taught since we were kids, and adult may not give a limitation to the growth of the kids. Let their expression through art grows freely”.
Well, what my lectures was trying to say is that, she tried to comparing the way kids express their self through art between American and Indonesian style. She said that kids in Indonesia are prone to be limited by some unwritten rules and any judgment in expressing art. We can make an example from the drawing point of view; kids will be set that the picture of scenery is always about the view of mountain, rice field and the road in the middle of it. However, kids are the phase of human’s life which is unshaped and still abstract in creativity. They will freely draw something beyond their own imagination, and without some regulations about how is the right one to draw something that could limit their freedom, but unfortunately she said, Indonesian people tend to give the limit to kids in expressing their imagination by giving the correct information what the drawing should be. For instance, kids draw the sun under the mountain meanwhile the correct place for it is on the sky. If we people find out the case like this, we will directly tell the correct place where the sun should be placed to our kids. Furthermore, in contrast, American people are freely let the kids make anything based on their imagination, no matter it is right or wrong, kids won’t be judged and limited, but they will get praise for their works. The differences have shaped people among these two countries far different. My lecturer said that it will be better if Indonesian people could imitate American style in giving a freedom of expressing. Actually, I disagree with her opinion about it. In my point of view, Indonesia and America stand as two different countries with different historical and cultural background. We cannot easily implement American style into Indonesian people because it won’t be appropriate for us; moreover the mental of our people is different with them. Beside that, being a kid is the phase of personality-shaped of human’s life. The way how they will live in the future represents how their childhood is, so if since they were kids, they were given a freedom to do something that is not right, they will get accustomed with the mistakes without knowing the truth of it. Then, when they are getting older, and they have to be bounded by some rules, it will shocks them, and the worse is that they will try to ignore the rules and being so much rebel. This is what I am afraid of implementing American style in Indonesia because as the matter of facts, Indonesia is the country that is covered with lot of moral values that cannot be easily ignored or even let it away meanwhile America lives beyond the liberalism concept. Well, although, it starts from the simplest thing, which is art expression, but this is the starting point that will determine the other steps of human’s phase of life. It’s better introduce the values and rules of life sooner rather than late because analogically, kids are just like a blank paper, and what is going to be written there is based on how we were shaped. This is why, when kids are getting older, they have already known which is right and wrong, and it will be their right to choose which ways they will take then.
Briefly, aesthetics is the value, whether it is in art point of view or our life, it is not as rigid as it was. Aesthetics value cannot be judged from one point of view, but it shows more than we know.
Januari 28, 2010
I was began with boundaries that stiff me inside the dark circle,
counting the days to normal life,
waiting for the amazing miracle of happiness among us,
love we share, love we need were almost destructed,
Universe is still amazing for its man, but not for me, for you, for us,
Emptiness brought our selfishness to the front,
I myself could not feel the relieve, all stuffs were stuck in one side, that I couldn't explain,
it's all about what our heart said, but we never gave any pure admission toward our heart,
we were growing too selfish and too self-centered without giving some kind aura to our heart,
while your heart spoke at once your mind called logic stated and shouted on your head about wicked way
to solve these madness,
We just went around the line, and it was sometimes getting harder,
I hated it lot! Did we ploy of the bastard demon?
Being hurtin and broken fed my life, and so did your life,
I guess, stop...
I want to end and close this January with purity,
Stop arguing and hurt one another!
Let's being one unity and giving our love affectionate like we always did.
Hell yeah, I can't not say it was good yet it's true my January is blue.
**Let's start new wave on the new month-Hope the better one will do, for you, for me, and for us**