Mom, this is my confession...

Dear mom,

This letter is coming from your oldest daughter who has not given a proud to you,
I write this to show you that your beloved daughter is really disappointing you,

Mom, sometimes I can't show you how much I LOVE you for the rest of my life,
sometimes, words are stuck on my throat though it's only three simple words, but I never know why it was so hard to say even to show, but I hope you could know and understand what and how I am feeling about you...Yes, you are my only true Love in this world. Yes, you are my only Light that never been tired to give your shining shine, you are my everything, mine...and once more I LOVE you more than you know, I Love you and I never want to lose you, yeah I am afraid of losing you..:(

Mom, sometimes I can't say any words about how proud I am to be your daughter,
You are more than an ordinary mother for me, yes you are my extraordinary mother on earth, I named it coz' you deserve it! You are the source of my inspiration in living my life, and you are the one who lead me to always keep coming back to line...
You are tough, strong, and independent, and I'm proud of you, mom!
You are smart, wise, and loyal, and I will always proud of you, mom!
You are the map, reference, the guide who lead your family, and yeah I'm exactly proud of you, mom!
You are teacher of everything in life, teach us how to find the truth of goodness, and help us facing reality, and again I'm so proud of you, mom!
You are the savior for us, the heaven sent, God sent, the vice of God Almighty, you are pure and white, and you are as sacred as God's verses because you always walk and think straight, you heart is pure as pure as a baby, and Mom, do you know that, those sort of things, a half of kidness you have, can make me so PROUD, extremely PROUD of being your flesh and blood, your daughter whom you really love...

But, mom...
Unfortunately,

I haven't made one for you...
I precisely disappoint you everyday...

You never hate me when I make a lie to you, you keep believing in me everytime,
You never hate me when I say some harsh words to you, you keep smiling and embracing me to calm me down,
You always thinking of me, giving me your first priority although I never did the same thing for you..
You always Love me no matter what happened on me, no matter how worst my life is, no matter what I have done to you...I am still yours, and you still give your love, your affection for the rest of your life...you bet your life for us as your sacrifice..You always do.

Mom, I think the word sorry can't pay for everything you have given to me...
But, mom...
give me the second chance to make a change...
I don't want to make you disappoint again, and I hope I can be someone that you want me to be...
I am lost in sin, and I am not that good as you are thinking about,
I am your beloved daughter is not as pure as you are thinking about,
I am the worst, mom...I am so sorry...

forgive me mom...
I hope you could help me to find that way, the straight way to heaven,

Mom. I need you beside me to save me from the evil's way, from the sin...

and..

God, you are my only savior who could relieve me from this sin...
I beg Your forgiveness, and I need Your hand to save my soul, to save my life from all sinful things.



I confess...


Mom, forgive me...Let me show you that I could be anything you want, and I'll make you proud of me...
It's your trust and love that always make me coming back to the FAITH!




*Sudah terlalu lama saya berada di lingkaran setan ini, dan harus berapa lama lagi saya menunggu hati saya tergerak untuk mengakhiri semuanya? Saya rasa tidak perlu menunggu lagi, sudah cukup hantu-hantu kesalahan itu datang menghampiri saya setiap saya terjaga di pagi hari, dan sudah cukup bagi saya untuk menjadi boneka-boneka setan alas yang menjerumuskan hidup saya ke neraka jahanam. Saatnya kembali! Tingkah-tingkah setan alas itu hanyalah sebuah fatamorgana yang menyesatkan dan menyesakkan! Saya hanya butuh kekuatan keyakinan bahwa Tuhan dan Orang-orang terkasih selalu ada di samping saya, dan saya rasa ini adalah waktu yang tepat untuk memulai bab baru dalam hidup saya. Tak ada kata terlambat. Ini adalah tekad bulat yang harus terus saya pupuk agar kelak tak terjatuh di lubang yang sama. "Saya ingin kembali kepada-Nya, Suci dan Bersih"*



**27 Januari 2010**

A song for Mama (Boys II Men)

You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah
There isn't anything
Or anyone I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side

You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You'll always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times

Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul

You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did
And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on

There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl in my life

Hook

Never gonna go a day without you
Fills me up just thinking about you
I'll never go a day without my mama

This song represents my feeling to you, mom :)